


We Really Are Unbreakable

by YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy



Series: Unbreakable [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Letters, M/M, Makeup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 13:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5165411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy/pseuds/YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil replies to Dan after receiving Dan’s heartfelt letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Really Are Unbreakable

You know, something was always different about us. Maybe we should have felt a break coming on. Sometimes, you’re right, it doesn’t work out all the time. Sometimes things do fall apart, but I guess, I guess we were hoping that we wouldn’t fall apart. We were wrong. We fell apart. But, unlike what you had assumed, I didn’t move on, I never found someone else, and besides no one who “smiles more, doesn’t have insecurities as big as you do” would even compare to you, but maybe you still aren’t ready to hear that, and that’s okay. We always said we would hold on. We said we would be okay, because we made it through almost seven years, before we broke. We broke and I left.

You are right, we could barely keep our eyes open enough to film our silly videos or host the radio show, but you seem to forget how we lived off the time we did have for one another. We were on Cloud Nine a lot more than it was “hell on earth” Mr. Rude-mic-downer (yup I burned you, I have ice in the freezer if ya want any). However, on those very few occasions, I remember how bad we both felt, how we would cuddle like we were apart for years, they hurt when they happened, only the pain subsided when we had our little kisses, and other things. It’s funny how we both did the same thing, huh? You seem to forget the times I would lay next to you during those “reflective” times of yours, only wanting your happiness, because your smile made my life a little brighter. We would follow the unspoken oath and take turns to go into our room, and crawl next to the other, telling them, in my case my bear aka you, that I was in the wrong (even though we know it was you….jokes not really but I love youuu) and just tired and promising that we were fine, unbreakable. I remember when you first said this, I laughed a little, and when you asked me why, I told you what you always said to me, “promises are hard to keep” and I remember it clear as day, you said “Not this one.” It was amazing, and somehow stayed unbroken for a good six years, but neither you nor I forgot about our little promise. We had our good days, just like everyone. Days where we had to cut out large portions of videos, I’m sorry, but sometimes you would look at me too long, what was I going to do, just act like nothing was happening, wrong. On those many many many good days, we would wake up and smile because the world was bearable if we woke up next to one another. I would give you little kisses on your nose, all while you would protest, saying it was too early. Even with my morning breathe and all, you’d still smile, sometimes we even would kiss for a bit too long, not that either of us minded getting up a little later. We were in love. We were really in love, Dan.

The bad days are hard for me to look back on if I’m honest. But I remember much more than I let on, I felt like I had to remember them, so I could remember how to take care of us better, so we would last (didn’t work too well huh?). Those kind of days started out fine, with morning kisses and cuddles, but something, big or small, would destroy that, sometimes I could tell that today wasn’t going to end well, I knew you better than you, I could tell by the way you would hold yourself. We got into heated fights, ones where things would be thrown, (mostly at the floor, but sometimes at the wall, bad Dan, and me that one time but I was really angry!) and doors would be slammed, sorry, that was me. But, as an unspoken rule, we never would leave the apartment, never. It was like saying if you leave, you have given up on us. If we needed space to think, we would tell the other, write a note or something, but we never left without a word. I guess I never really noticed this, until you said so, I just kinda knew.

I still remember the way your hand fits in mine, or the feel of your lips on mine. I still feel your neck under my lips, or your sallow breathe on my neck after falling asleep, the feel of your body under my arm. I remember when tensions were high, all the way back in 2012, I remember you avoiding me some days. I remember thinking I shouldn’t push you, you are like fine china to me, especially when you’re sad, I don’t want you to break.

I remember the day we met, our first hug, our first kiss, our first I love you, our first fight, our first Christmas, our first everything as well. Let’s try not to focus on remembering our last(ish) hug, our last(ish) kiss, our last(ish) I love you, our last(ish) words to each other, the last(ish) day I saw you. I should have fought to stay, Dan. But I didn’t. I walked away. All the joking aside, I am sorry, I walked away.

I left you, left you there, surrounded by our memories. Memories that, even though I wanted to forget, just as I thought you would, suffocate me, we were so happy, Dan. We had pillow fights, which you won far too many times. We had flirty kissing fights, which usually ended in the morning when we woke up. I won far too many tickle fights, which is funny, you never really seemed ticklish. Worst of all our types of fights is our screaming fights, the ones we should forget, they don’t matter. We had late night kisses and early morning cuddles, even when we were sick, which was stupid, but also amazing. Dan, you silly Goose, I have much more footage then I shared with you, much more. I mean we did vlog a lot when we had those day in the life videos, not everything was included, and not to mention the clips we have to cut of videos or you know when I would film you and you wouldn’t know, but let’s not talk about that. Just like you, I would watch them sometimes, seeing us happy really did hurt, when I would watch the clips they didn’t feel real, sometimes I would get lost into them, I’ll look up after hours of watching videos and reach for my phone, dialing your number before realizing where I was, and why I was gone, I would soon end up crying, stressing, bawling, remembering.

I know I lied to the camera, I would tell them we still talk, that we still were best friends, sometimes I would believe it. I said that there were things I needed to do back home and lying to them saying, that you needed to do things in London. You never posted, Dan. I was worried you know? I didn’t get to see your eyes look at me, even if not intended too, I didn’t hear your laugh, even though you don’t properly laugh on camera it was always with a little less life, I still missed it. I missed you so much, but I thought you fell out of love with me. I don’t get how I thought that.

It felt like forever, but it wasn’t even a year or even a month. I’m sorry you were tired, I really am. I should have known that you were just angry, and that you didn’t mean it, but I’m Phil and I am blind to so many things. Dan, there should be more than just me on your reasons to live list, and I know just a few.

I missed our gaming channel that was on a little “break”, I even posted a video saying that it would be a while until more videos were uploaded. People were probably wondering where the hell you were, but I never address it or even bother to look, I didn’t have any answers. I remember how on a Tuesday, I just wanted to hear your voice, but you didn’t do your broadcast, so I stopped doing mine.

I missed you. Your caramel eyes, your chapped lips, your hypnotic laugh, your adorable articulate voice, your nervous hands, I missed you.

I screwed up, Dan, I royally screwed us up. Even though you said things I know you didn’t mean that night, and I’ll admit, you pushed us too far, and I got you so mad. I walked away, I left, I didn’t say why or where to, I just left. I broke our silent promise, not even thinking, I don’t know why I left, I was just so mad Dan! What was the fight even over? Anyway when I returned later that night, and I was knocking on your old bedroom door, I should have shouted what I wanted to say, not wait politely, even if I would have been yelled at, even if we fought again, I should have done it, but I didn’t, the door stayed shut, and I stayed silent. I remember being so mad, but mostly hurt, I felt like I blew it. I thought you had given up on me, and you hadn’t, until I gave you that reason. You avoided me for days, pissed that I had left you, and I stayed away, heartbroken that you didn’t love me, I was too awkward to say anything. To hard-headed to apologize for leaving. I remember the day you came home from your small outing to get food. I was waiting on the stairs, a suitcase behind me. I was hurt, I didn’t think about the result of this action, I was just hurt, I didn’t mean I wanted to leave, Dan. I was hurt and all you wanted was to yell at me, and I just wanted to leave for a month at the most, but your anger got the better. You yelled at me, making my eyes leak with tears, hating myself for doing that to you, making you so angry, I felt like I finally dropped my fine china. You told not to come back, you wanted me gone, I was hurt, and so I did. I stayed gone alright, I didn’t want to get hurt any more than I was.

I’m sorry. Oh God am I sorry. I’m sorry I still loved you and stayed gone. I’m sorry for everything, I’m sorry for the promises that I broke. I’m sorry.

Dan looked up at me after reading my letter, a response to his he sent up a few days ago. I saw tears form in his eyes, and my heart had its strings being pulled. His face went from neutral to sad very suddenly, I was terrified. Had I been to open with my feelings? Had he moved on after sending that letter? My questions were put to ease when Dan stands up and comes over to me, pulling me up from the chair in our lounge and wrapping his arms around my neck, clinging to me like I was the only thing keeping him from floating into space. He buries his face into the side of my neck, and I can feel the coolness of his tears rolling down my neck and shoulders. I put my arms around his waist and pull him closer missing the contact, it was only two weeks, but those were very long when for the past six, almost seven years, we had hardly spent any time apart. I kissed the top of his head, sighing into his brown locks in content. I feel his lips press to my neck, and then he mumbles softly, hardly audible.

“I love you Phil.” I move my hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks, and then I pull his face up to mine slowly, softly. Our eyes close as our lips press together, the kiss isn’t hungry or rushed, but it’s full of love and it is slow and meaningful, with a small salty taste from our tears. After a bit, I pull away, resting my forehead against his. Our eyes open and lock immediately.

“I love you Dan.” I whisper, almost as if I were afraid that if I said it any louder, I would wake up from this moment. A small smile cracks onto his lips, I soon follow. He giggles at me, and I’m relieved, when he let’s go of his grasp on me, ending our hug, only to entwine our hands, leading us to the couch. Once seated, very close, as if the past two weeks didn’t happen, he leans forward and pressed a kiss to my lips, it’s short and sweet, and I can tell that many more are going to come. We stay up chatting amongst other things, the whole night, I was home again, and never planning to leave. We share kisses and stories until his shallow breath is hitting my neck. With great difficulty, I manage to get us to our room, seeing it to be exactly how I had last seen it. After a small struggle, I get into bed beside my loving boyfriend. I pull him closer, his head resting on my chest. I kiss him on the top of the head, murmuring a I love you and good night, getting a sleepy reply in return. Listening to his shallow breathing, I am lulled into sleep, with my boyfriend and I together again. Because, as it turns out, we really are unbreakable.

**Author's Note:**

> And so the series ends. Tell me what to write next/soon!


End file.
